A SECOND MEETING: THE REMINISCENCE

“Problem with our mindsets is that we admire the beauty of sunrise and sunset, but fail to see past it. We fail to see that sun burns too!”

 

San Diego, Jan 2016:

My emotions have peaked a lot of times before, but I was never even half as scared as I was on that evening, waiting for her at the surprisingly silent shore. As my feet came to life every time they’re kissed by the gentle waves, I stood there admiring the depth of the ocean’s beauty, which reminded me of her. The chilling breeze, infinite horizon and the eternal sunset all reminded me of the way her hair used to brush my face as I dozed off on her lap, the way she used to shiver when I touch her ticklish feet while removing the nail polish and the way my heart used to skip a beat every single time she smiles. All the unsent emails I had typed over the past year, which ended up in ‘drafts’ instead of ‘sent items’, rolled through my mind. From our first kiss to our first fight, from our first meeting to breakup- everything was passing by in fragments as I stared into the young night skies.

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MY DRAFTS FOLDER

TO: ANANYA RAJKUMAR

SUBJECT: THE SECOND MEETING

We were waiting at the cinemas for you as you were late, as usually. After almost half an hour of waiting, everyone went in, not wanting to miss the introduction. I stayed back, standing there in the mist, trying hard to picture your face. It was all a blur to me. I could vaguely sketch your delightful smile and flowing curly locks, but couldn’t fully recollect your face. It might have been because more than anything, I was mesmerized by your gleeful persona. The way you breathed life into your surroundings with your chirpy way of talking surprised me. So, though I couldn’t recollect your face, I recognized you as soon as you got down the uber and came running towards me. You were every bit as beautiful as your personality. Your cream colored tee and torn jeans complimented your dark stunning face and bright red lips.

“Sorry for the delay. My bike got a flat tire and had to change the plans because of that. You’re Viraj, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me! Shall we go in?” I asked hurriedly, hoping that I didn’t miss too big a chunk of the movie. Remember the frown you gave me for that?

“Actually, I’m not so much into the superhero movies. Shall we go for a walk instead?”

Do you know why I agreed to walk with you instead of watching the movie? I never told you this, but I saw you wiping your eyes before getting down from the car. You might had just been wiping your mascara, I was not sure. But I didn’t want to reject the possibility that something was wrong and that you needed someone to talk to. I guess you still remember how we lost track of both the time and the utterly confusing streets. Well, I was glad that we got lost, which gave us more time to talk. You were tensed about the big decision you made – to follow your dreams of pursuing Master’s in teaching and working for a special needs school. There was this spark when you explained your dreams to me. You explained to me how much it meant to you. As you complained later on, I didn’t speak much. I went on listening to you for hours. Everything about you- your words, your perspectives of life, your dreams and your humorous puns, were intriguing.

“I want to know you better. I want more of these walks” was the stupidest choice of words, but the most effective ones I said in the entire time.

Well, you probably remember all these things or not. Four years is a quite long time. What you don’t know however is that I made a promise to myself that day that if things go well and we get together in a relationship, I would never miss any chance to make you smile. I remembered that promise today and how my last memory of you is of a tearful one for both of us. I write this to you with a hope that you’d give me one more chance to make you smile, to keep my promise.

 

MY DRAFTS FOLDER

TO: ANANYA RAJKUMAR

SUBJECT: THE FIRST KISS

Remember? When we were on our third date at our usual candle light dinner place, the radio played “Like I’m gonna lose you”, and our gazes unknowingly got fixated on each other. It wasn’t until a few seconds that we realized that we were staring awkwardly with the waiter standing by. It was our song. Then we proceeded to our favorite part- a long walk at the beach. I never get bored of the silly games you play with the waves, while talking to me. Honestly, I don’t remember what we talked on that day anymore! There were so many memories on that beach, that everything’s overlapped in my mind. But what I do remember is that after a couple of hours, we sat down so that the waves just touched our feet and I fell asleep on your shoulders, for quite an amount of time. As I woke up, I saw you looking at me with the cutest expression on your face, teasing me. I put my hands behind your head and your expression changed to a sensual one which I never saw before. I don’t remember anything after that, but we had our first kiss. I think I blacked out after that. Well, it was ironic, considering the saying that “no one forgets their first kiss.”

 

MY SENT ITEMS

TO: ANANYA RAJKUMAR

SUBJECT: THE MISTAKE

We have been together for two years now and not even once did either of us proposed. But we knew in which direction our future has headed and we were confident of building our lives together, in spite of the then upcoming break of 3 years. My startup directed at the recycling of resources of New Zealand took off and I needed to go, at least for the initial three years, until it is firmly established.

“I’m tensed Anu. I’ve been waiting for this day for so long. 24 hours more and my dream is going to come true.”

“Viraj, remember I said I’ll give you a surprise gift today?”

“Yeah”

“I’ve got admission in Victoria University of Wellington with half fee waiver. We need not wait for another three years to be together. Just three more months.”

“But Anu, your PhD…”

“It’s okay babe. Double master’s is as good as a PhD.”

“Anu, it was your dream to get into this University. It doesn’t make sense, sacrificing your life goals.”

“For a relationship to work, someone has to sacrifice something Viraj. I know how important your dream is. I’m just adjusting mine a little.”

“It doesn’t work that way.”

“It does! And what do you care. It is my life and I have to make this decision anyway.”

“I care because you are ready to leave your dreams. If you are cheating yourself for such silly reasons, how can I ever trust you to not cheat me?” wrong choice of words, wrong choice of thoughts. One needs to be truthful to three things in one’s life- parents, life partner and more than anything to one’s dreams. You may sometimes get a second chance to make things right with the first two, but not with the latter one. I had to be harsh because I know you are one stubborn woman, who’d never let anyone else make decisions for you. What you didn’t know was that you were letting your emotions take the decisions for you, which you’d regret later. I didn’t want you to regret choosing me. But I realized that I crossed a line as soon as I said that, but I made up my mind to not take it back. I thought you would try to talk to me again, but before I knew, it was too late to apologize. I tried calling you until the moment I entered the airport, but you switched off your phone, you stupid stupid woman! After I shifted to Wellington, I tried to send many emails to you, but couldn’t back myself up to hit the send button. I am coming to San Diego this week. I don’t want to miss what probably might be the true last chance I am going to get. I know it is too crazy to say this after two years of silence, but let’s meet up this Saturday. You know the place. I really do want to see that smile again!

 

MY DRAFTS FOLDER

TO: ANANYA RAJKUMAR

SUBJECT: THE MISTAKE

Though it’d be only an extra 5 minutes, we go further into the airport to bid goodbye to our loved ones. No one misses any chance to postpone the farewell hug as long as possible. Why, even “the doctor” burnt an entire sun in the supernova to just get a few minutes with Rose and to say a proper good bye. We had been together for over two years now and so, I was not wrong in expecting you to be there. My eyes were fixated to the airport door, awaiting you arrival, in vain. I understand that after what all happened between us, you really must’ve been hurt. But the moment I went past the security check was the moment my heart broke. I was moving into a whole new world and the thought that I was going to do it alone, shattered my hopes. As I entered the flight, I took a deep breath, tried to convince myself that your absence is not going to make any difference in my life and got ready to face what’s coming to me. But I would be lying to myself if I don’t admit now that my life was never the same again! Mornings were gloomier, days were lengthier and the evenings were lonely. It was as if I was trying to build a future by leaving an important part of my life in my past. That nonexistent goodbye scarred my life and my view towards relationships forever. I changed all my email addresses, phone numbers and took a break from social networking. I never had a friend in these two years, let alone the relationships. We both have been hurt Ananya and we both paid price for that.

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NOW:

As I got lost into my memories, a Cadillac escalade stopped near me and she got down. After all these years, she never cease to amaze me. With a white shirt and blue jeans, she was looking more elegant than ever. Though she looked paler for some reason, that beautiful arc of a smile was present, as strong as always!

“Anu… Ananya! How have you been?”

“Two years is a very long time Viraj!” she said with a half-smile.

“I know right, how’s your life now?”

“I tried to get in contact with you. You kind of made that impossible. ”

“Yeah, sorry Ananya. After what all happened, with you not coming to the airport and not being in contact for days after that, I snapped. I just wanted some time alone.”

“Hmm.”

“You haven’t changed, you know. Except for this new, short haircut. Same old, charming Ananya.” I said, handing out the bouquet of her favorite lilies.

“Stop it Viraj! I am not here to fondle our memories. Do you really think it is so easy to mend something? Do you even have the slightest of idea what I have gone through?”

“I have Anu. I went through the same trauma, remember? I was hurt too. I don’t think it is fair to blame a single person for what happened between us.”

Her smile completely disappeared. “Remember, you used to tell me that I am the most passionate and strongest woman you’ve ever met? Well, I was weak too. That day, as soon as you stormed out through that door, I lost my mind. It was like my world turned upside down in a few minutes. I showed a moment of weakness then and slit my wrist. But it was a momentary decision and I myself called the ambulance myself. I still attend rehab Viraj! It was not until two weeks later that I came back to consciousness and you were just gone! I got back to the program and every day that I attended my classes, I realized that you were right to stop me. I wouldn’t have been happier leaving all this. There was not a day, which passed by without me, waiting for your phone. But it didn’t ring.”

I stood there speechless. How often our perception does deceives us! We think that what we know is what’s happening in the world. We smile, we laugh we get scared, we get angry, thinking that the world around us is doing the same. I never knew Ananya was capable of even crying, let alone trying to commit suicide. I wanted to make things right, then and there.

“Ananya, I wanted to do this at the airport 3 years ago. I am sorry for what happened between us. Will you marry me? I shall never let you be sad again!”

“You don’t understand Viraj! Relationship is not about being sad. It is about being there for each other when sad and you weren’t there for me. I am not blaming you. We have had our fights and we have had our chances to make it right. When I got time to analyze our relationship, I realized that we were never comfortable in sharing our problems with each other. It is over now. Actually, I have met a great guy in rehab and have been in a relationship since past six months. My life and my career are going on smoothly now. But the truth is that, I wouldn’t have accepted this proposal even if I was not in a relationship.” Saying this she headed to her car.

I knew she was not going to turn back. That last line broke my heart. I stood there on my knees holding the ring in my hand, which shone the reflection of the moon into my eyes.

 

TO BE . . . NOT TO BE

“Come on Abhi, Aashi is perfect for you. 34 of your 36 stars have matched.”

“Mom, I doubt you even know me perfectly and how can you decide she is perfect for me. And please stop it with this astrology nonsense.” I shouted.

“Oh, so now I don’t know my own son!” mom said with a choking voice. Well done mom! You’ve played the most classic mom card ever – creating a feeling of guilt in her son’s heart, that he was the reason behind her tears.

“Sorry maa, I did not mean that. Please don’t cry. I love you”

“If you love me, why don’t you listen to me?”

“Come on mom, you just are emotionally cornering me. This is not fair.”

“I’m not forcing you Abhi. Could you at least meet her once, before coming to a decision!”

That was it! I was completely cornered and I had no other escape plan for it, other than rejecting the girl after the meeting. What could I have told my mom? That I was not in a state to move on, that I was heartbroken by my recent breakup? She didn’t even know about my relationship to tell her about the breakup.

Aafiya, she was my love, my future and my life and I was hers. Her smile used to fill my day and her thoughts, my night. It was not easy, accepting our mutual feelings, because of the obvious constraints. Every relationship has these weights which don’t allow the love to take the firm grounds. The weights may be small or colossal, but if we keep on loving more and more, the love grows heavier too, shifting the balance. It happened with us too. We knew, at every step of our relationship that the risks and the resistance that we would have to face once our families come to know about our relationship. Yet, she said it was going to be okay and that she was strong enough and I was more than worthy to fight for. But life is not a fairy tale and neither is the person you loved, an angel. Problem is that we underrate the various strings attached to us. We think we can break away, easily snapping the strings, until it is our turn. The day her parents had arranged her marriage, she didn’t even try once. It didn’t take her more than a week to update the Facebook status to “Engaged” with a lovely selfie attached to it. Breakups are not as bad as they portray in the movies – imagining the person you love in every face you see, becoming a hopeless drug addict in the name of love etc. Nothing is so filmy, except for the confusion. My first thought was to board the first flight available and to go ask her hand, even though she was engaged. I honestly have no idea, why I did not do that. It just didn’t feel the thing to do then. Instead, I just kept on liking all the updates within seconds, hoping that she would come back to me. I know, that’s pathetic, but that’s how brain works, during the breakup, in the most embarrassing ways possible! It was only after everything was over, that I started thinking rationally, about what went wrong.

What is our biggest asset? What has been our biggest asset over the past few decades? I don’t know how the world works, but as an Indian, the biggest assets I have seen in my society is culture and social status. If your children aren’t married by the age of 30, what will the society think about your family? If your parents go out on a personal date, at the age of 50, won’t it bring the inerasable shame to your family? If your child believes in you and share with you, about his love, shouldn’t you reject it bluntly, so that the “high class” people of your society don’t categorize you as the good for nothing parents!  Many such norms, define our lives, every day. I was in fact lucky, to have born in what I call a balanced generation. We are resisting the orthodox mentality of the society and we are not yet too far into resistance to have gotten out of hand. I believe I have the right to make my own choices, but I also am fully aware that I don’t have to hurt anyone in the process. I accepted to meet Aashi so as to make my mom happy. I knew I do not have to like her though.

THE MEETING: 

I would never let go of an excuse to go out and breathe the fresh air of Mile High Denver and that was one of the reasons for me to accept this arranged date, to get out of my normal ‘rabbit in the hole’ lifestyle. I knew it was going to be nothing different from a clichéd first date, where two people pretend to be someone else for an hour or two and decide whether they like the other person based on how successful they were, in the pretending game. I usually stay away from these dates and particularly the ones arranged by parents, where the significant other is selected by compatibility of the social status. But when you are at an elevation six thousand feet and the magnificent view of lightened up Denver city astounds you beyond words, there’s little to worry about the petty matters. There are very few places in the world where I would want to be, other than the Table 3 of Flag Staff house. It’s not only about the vastness of the view, it’s about the depth involved. Watching thousands of houses over a dinner and thinking about the different lives being lived by the people in those houses, makes you wonder how adaptable we are to our own lives. Thousands of houses, thousands of windows and thousands of people behind those – each with their own story, each with their own struggle and each with their own triumphs. I was not even paying attention to anything else, until my penance was broken when someone called out my name with a husky voice.

“Hi, I’m Aashi. Nice to have finally met you!”

So many questions irritated my mind at once – ‘What does she mean by finally? Was she interested in my match from even before she saw me! She’s not even an average looking person, how could mom even say that she is perfect for me! Even her dressing sense is blunt, neither classy nor sexy. Of course, I am right, she is not the one for me.’ So many thoughts flew and so many decisions made, all within a second.

“Hi. Abhi.” I introduced myself with a fake smile that we were taught so well from the childhood.

“It’s a beautiful place. Thanks for meeting me here.” Now it’s her turn to return the fake smile.

We talked about our hobbies, our families, how we miss them, our future plans and about life in America! My interest in her officially ended when she said she doesn’t particularly like Batman and I was just passing time. Our conversation continued for an hour until we were finished with our dinner. Finally it was time to end yet another date that was emotionally forced upon me by my mom. As a custom, I placed my card in the check, but she stopped the waiter and placed hers too.

“Let’s share. We are not even officially friends. Are we?”

“I don’t think so.” I said, regretting my rude nature as soon as I said it.

“Hey Abhi, you know what. I don’t feel this is the right place to make true friends. Will you go for a walk with me? Let’s head to the downtown.”

“But that’s five miles away! That too, downhill.”

“Exactly, that’s the point!” she exclaimed.

“Okay, if you insist.” I said, interested only in walking through the dry autumn leaves that fill up the otherwise dull roads of the hill.

It is amazing what a one long walk can do to your impression on the other person. The more we talked, the more I was mesmerized by her perception of the world. True, that she was not a beauty, but she turned out to be something more – an angel with a fierce heart and a beautiful mind, which is a very rare combination now a days. We were very different in the way we see the world and in the way we want the world to see us. Our worlds have a common premise – a failed love, but it molded us into two different personalities. By the time we reached downtown, I was glad that though the date turned out to be a failure, I found myself a new friend to hang out with. After that, we took a cab to go back to the restaurant and to get our cars.

“Thank you so much mom. You gave me a new best friend.”

“What do you mean by best friend! Didn’t you like her?”

“Please mom, this one time, don’t force me. I don’t want to lose such an awesome friend, because of some forced relations.”

.

.

.

Two years later, Aashi and I have decided to take our relationship to the next level and in the very same restaurant, Flagstaff house, I proposed to her. We now go there every month, to celebrate our destiny and our endless love, by looking down at the everlasting beauty of the city of Denver.

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“Problem with us humans is that, we limit our scope of searching our true love to such a minimal limit that we end up missing many opportunities to settle down, with the person who can make our life, the happiest! When we realize this, we then try to see only beyond the norms, beyond the boundaries and often ignore the people inside the boundaries. It is not so difficult to find the actual love if you look everywhere, within and beyond!”

THE OTHER SIDE: THE FALL

For the first part, CLICK HERE (optional)

“Drifting away through the sands of time,
 snapping away the strands to heim, 
 in search of infinite stars, we step out, 
 but end up loving the mud, as we rout!” 

                                                            ~VVR                                                                       

“… so all that is left for me to tell you is that I love you.”
“But how are you so sure that you love me? A guy can never be sure.”
“But I am sure, because I am afraid!”
“What? Afraid of losing me?”
“No no. I know I am never going to lose you, before I die. I just fear for myself being so deeply attached to you…”

I could still remember every moment I spent with her and I am sure those memories won’t be leaving me anytime soon. Because, the times we spent in our relationship were more than a memory, they were a part of my life and a part of me. Though the breakup was mutual and unavoidable, it broke my heart and broke my strength to continue with my life. But time doesn’t halt for our wounds to heal and life goes on.

At 22 years, like most of the Indians do, I blindly followed the millions to pursue higher studies in US. And like most of the people, mine was desperation too. Whatever may be the reasons, I had taken an irreversible step and there’s no going back. I just had to make sure that I get back to my old self, both as a person and as a writer. Being a writer is very difficult, especially if you are unpopular, because you won’t have the pressure to keep writing. On top of it, when you are in the transformation phase, you won’t have the sense of reality. After moving to US, I couldn’t write for months, no matter how hard I tried. Memories of irreparable decisions haunted my dreams and troubled by reality. My break up with Akriti was just one of the tens of those decisions, but definitely on the top of those. But before trying to get back my love, I need to get back my soul – my ability to write. Because without an identity, love doesn’t exist, nothing does!

Grabbing my Taylor Swift notebook and the pen my dad gifted me, I started walking, don’t know where. After an hour, at the stroke of midnight, I have reached the Tempe lake. The view from the east entrance was breath taking! I knew instantly that this was my place. I settled down on a bench and tried to write something – anything, for almost about two hours, in vain. I understood that it was just not about the place and the mood, there’s something more to it.

I started walking back, when I tripped over someone lying unconscious on the floor. She was holding a note in her hand. I was afraid! The last thing I wanted to add to my problems, was a suicide case. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted another distraction and hence, I walked away.

After about ten minutes, I realized what a big mistake I have made! This is not what the old me would have done. I was chasing my identity for so long and when the situation arrived to prove my identity, I ran away from it. What if she was still alive? What if my fear turns out to be one of the reasons for her death? I can’t let that happen. I have to give her and give myself a chance. I started running back!

She was alive, indeed! I took the note and it read, “If I pass out, take me to the following address…”  I was laughing at my fate and angry at my thoughts, at the same time.

“Come on Aki, just one sip. Don’t you want to taste how it is.”
“I seriously don’t.”
“Are you the pure one and we, a bunch of spoiled brats? Come on yaar!”
“I never said it is wrong to drink. It is not, at all!”
“Then?”
“No big reason. I believe in staying away from some things in life. That’s it. Arya also doesn’t drink, why don’t you ask him?”
“I don’t drink because I don’t want anything in my life to control my mind. That’s why I stay away from alcohol and girls.”
“Ha ha, that’s funny. Here I was thinking about asking you out on a date!”
“My rule doesn’t apply to you. You are special!”

I smiled as I remembered the conversation during our first outing with friends. Akriti truly was special to me, in every respect of my life. She was unique, she was herself!

I lifted the woman lying on the floor and started walking towards the parking, when I realized that I don’t have a vehicle.  Forget about vehicle, I didn’t even had a phone to call for help. I lifted her to a standing position and immediately she puked on me just when I was thinking that my day couldn’t get worse. But because of all these, she became half conscious, but still unaware of what’s happening. I put her arms around my neck and started walking and she started walking with me. I took a cab and reached the address in her note. As my luck was that day, no one answered the door and I couldn’t even disturb the neighbors due to the lateness of the hour. I searched her purse and guess what, there were no keys! I found her license and it read, “Leia Brauner”. So, I wasted my night for a crazy, drunk European girl! I tried to wake her up in vain. Helpless, I sat down and she slept, leaning on my shoulder and within sometime, I too fell asleep at her door.

“You spend so much time with your college club, why?”
“Because I love it!”
“More than you love me?”
“I cannot love anything or anyone more than I love you.”
“So, you love me more!”
“I can’t compare, Aki.”
“Why not?”
“Because, love for that society made me who I am and your love made me who I want to be.”

“That’s what I love about you being a writer!” she said as she leaned on my shoulders. The enchanting view from the outdoor seating at Coffee day on the Upper lake, blending with the aroma of the dark chocolate cappuccino is one of the hundreds of things we loved to experience, together. The boundless serenity of the Upper lake complimented the short conversations we used to have. The love in her eyes, the care in her hugs, the dreams we dreamt together, the discussions that never ended and the promises we didn’t keep, everything crossed my mind as I opened my eyes the next day.

…To be continued.

THE OTHER SIDE : The Goodbye

The IMPOSSIBLE CHOICE:
Just imagine that you are given the impossible choice- either to stay asleep in the eternal bliss created by the aura of the world of dreams, where you get to live together with the person you love, forever. Or to wake up into reality where the person you love has only one day left, to live! Most the people choose to ride the illusion of a dream. But the person, who knows what a true love is, would embrace the reality. Because, when you truly love someone, you realize that escaping pain is not the solution if it ceases you an opportunity to soothe the person you love and drive them out of pain. I know this because I fall into the second category who tried to escape the agony, only to ultimately wake up into the reality which is far worse than hell, without the soul of your life and with the guilt of your cowardice.

THE STORY:
Is this all related to the story? Well, it depends on the perception towards the situation. A good writer is a very lonely person or a much loved one. I belonged to the latter category, because I always have led a secretive life. The love I got, was for my carefully crafted personality, which was built up on the house of lies. Worst part of it was the ease with which everyone were convinced. Of course, one cannot really judge what someone’s true face is. Every person has multiple personalities and each personality has its own base where it is cultured. But the problem with me was that I had never let anyone know about my other side- my love story and how miserable I was at it. It all was buried as one big secret. Two months after the painful goodbye to MANIT, I still was shattered. As if a good bye to my friends and juniors didn’t cause me enough pain, I never recovered from my break-up on the last day at college. Actually, it was a mutual decision. We agreed to it a year back, when we came to know that my journey of chasing the dollars would never cross hers, of giving back to the society she grew up in! She was stupid, trying to mend the forever scarred nation and forever spoiled mindsets. I had already got my visa and was ready to travel within a few days. Everything was so perfect, but giving up on her so easily didn’t feel right. For one last time, I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and there I went back, to the place I love the most, Bhopal. Surprises, hugs, love and enough bikes made sure I had an unforgettable kick off to the most important tour of my life. It was not at all difficult for my friends to find out the details about her. I was informed that she was working for an NGO in Bhopal itself and immediately went there to convince her. One thing I loved about her was that she always was as pretty and serene as a lake. And that day, I realized that the lake is more beautiful when it is undisturbed. The tranquility adds grace to the beauty, which makes it irresistible. I saw her teaching the kids and at that moment, her smile felt truer than ever. She was never that happy when she was with me. May be, love never actually exists in the minds with two different ideologies. I was not wrong on my side. I couldn’t risk and lose any chance to settle down well in life and take care of my parents. And she couldn’t find any meaning in sacrificing her true love for her love. We just were different. A stone of love had caused ripples in our lives which faded out in the course of time. There was no point in causing her any more unpromising disturbances. I left the place and went back to my friend’s room at the hostel. Nostalgia of our beautiful past haunted me all through the night.

THE FLASHBACK:
Akriti- the girl who changed the way I live my life and made me a different person. I was so changed after meeting her that I gradually fell in love with myself, like never before. In the beginning days of my fifth semester, I just was out of an anniversary of broken crush, failed proposal and a severe jaundice attack. I short, I was in a complete mess and had taken a serious decision of joining MAD (Make A Difference). On the day of selections, it was quite a chaos over there, with all the people who were eager to boost their resumes and kids who were excited to boost their lives. Then, a serendipity led me to the ultimate serenity. We were randomly divided into teams of two. A very beautiful girl was assigned to me and we didn’t even care to introduce ourselves. We just had one target in our minds, to completely screw the opponents in the first round of the competition- debate. My partner was ferocious and I too joined her after almost half of the discussion and I too was ruthless on the opponents from then on. After the round, I went outside the room for some fresh air and saw a girl in tears. It was my opponent.

“Excuse me” I called her and she turned round wiping her eyes. Her kohl line was spread over her cheek and eye lids were moist like an early morning dew on the tip of a leaf. There was something unique about her beauty which makes her stand out. I wondered whether that was because of the deadly combination of her innocent eyes and gloomy expressions.

“Akriti” she introduced herself and I reciprocated.

“You were good back there.” she complimented.

“Thanks, you were not bad too.” I said without thinking and then turned away my face, embarrassed.

“So, why do you want to make it in?”

“Because my life is in a very critical stage and I want to save it, by diverting myself while doing something good. You?”

“I want to do this because these kids’ lives are in a very critical stage and I want to save those, by dedicating myself doing something helpful.”

That was it! I left the place and went back without attending the further rounds. I felt ashamed of the way I was thinking the whole time. After ten days, she called me and said that she too was not selected and was sorry that she had been the reason for me to quit. She just didn’t understand that she was the reason for me to live, in a true way! In no time, we became good friends and not long after, we became part of each other’s lives. But we did decide that if at the end of the college, we choose different paths, we would happily travel in different directions, instead of sacrificing one’s dreams.  At that time, I didn’t want to think about future. All I know was to find the happiness in her love. I wanted to keep her my little secret as a special part of my life. I was successful in doing that and what happened after that, was a farewell tragedy!

THE GOODBYE:
Coming back to the story, the next three days, I had spent all the time with my juniors and all the love they showed on me, made it harder for me to think about leaving. The worst part was that they never knew my story and after that point, I never thought it mattered anymore. Leaving that love story completely beyond me, I tried to moved on. I still remember the last few minutes I spent in my college, on the half broken bench at Nescafe. One after the other, my friends and juniors came to meet me. My ride had arrived and it was the time for me to leave. The most difficult part was that it was near the CCOAT, where we had unforgettable memories of many fun filled meetings and some professional ones. But time always has the last laugh by putting an end to everything. As I started walking towards the auto, it started raining. People think of me as an emotional fool, but I never shed a tear even on my break up. But on that day, while walking away from the infinite love and hidden truths, I didn’t know when I started crying. I thought those were just the rain drops, flowing down my cheeks, until the pain reached my heart. After that, it was nothing less than a shameless breakdown. I finally snapped out of the painful phase of love and realized the importance of my friends and juniors, in my life. I was sad many a times after that, but never lonely!

MSD

I generally do not prefer to blog about a celebrity. Except for Christopher Nolan, I did not blog about any person, not even about my idols Dravid, Sehwag, Rahman or any of the tens of geniuses. Now I write about MSD because everyone needs to know how much I want him to leave Team India, forever. Yes, you read it right. I want him to leave because we don’t deserve him to be our captain. We insulted him, trolled him, hated him, pelted stones at his house, burnt his photos and what did he do? He just continued smiling and continued winning matches for Team India. What more does he need to do, to not be criticized by his own countrymen? Should he keep scoring runs in losing causes like Misbah does? Or should he too retire and then comeback like Afridi did? Or maybe he must play against the spirit, like Sanga did. Then will you love him?

He was the hero we needed, but not the one we deserved. So hunted him, we doubted his loyalty and we tried to bring him down. Because he could take it. Because he was not our hero. He was a silent guardian, a watchful protector.

This article is not about the Team India’s recent loss in World cup and definitely is not about convincing everyone what a great captain Dhoni is. It is just a reflection of the past 9 years of Indian cricket and how my personal views on Dhoni have been constantly changing.

DHONI, THE DESTROYER:

Our opening pair was never short of aggressive batsmen- Sachin, Ganguly and then Sehwag. Someone or the other always took that responsibility. But then came Dhoni, with a few flops in his early career and a majestic 183* against SL. I remember bunking school to watch that match and that innings was a very special one, mainly because of the sheer power displayed. We have been accustomed to see text book shots and neat cricket until that day. Many shots were played which couldn’t be named by commentators. India got a pinch hitter they needed. Just like everyone else, I too became his fan. He continued his butchering in the Pakistan series and that’s when everyone in India started admiring him. But some good things live short. Well, Dhoni is not one of those. He is the good thing that got better.

DHONI, THE WINNER:

2007 ODI World cup- an unforgettable nightmare to all the Indian players and fans. Dhoni, especially was criticized for his inability to lift up the momentum in the match against Bangladesh. When he was made the captain for the T20 wc, protests reached the peak. How can you choose a new captain for the World cup? We crossed the group stage, super four, semis and people still questioned his captaincy. We were one wicket from victory, in the finals and fans still wondered what kind of a crappy captain he was, to give the last over to Joginder Sharma. As soon as Sreesanth grabbed that catch, all the questions were answered. There still were people who called him “lucky”! He smiled.

DHONI, THE CALM AND THE COOL:

I still remember the two innings which could be considered as the start of the transformation of Dhoni’s batting. It was 2008. England toured India and we almost clean swept them in 7 match ODI series. In two of the matches, while India were chasing, Dhoni scored 29* of 51 and 50* of 61 balls. People started fearing that we lost a hitter. I was happy that we got a match winner! As I wished, those two innings were not the last of this calm composure. I lost count of his match winning performances while chasing. And his average of 109+ suggests that I am right. Not only in his batting style, he was ultra-cool, even on the field. I cannot recollect any instance in which he lost his temper and verbally attacked the opposition. People started criticizing him for having lost his technique and ability to hit out of the ground. He didn’t lose it. He chose to use it wisely. If he wanted to, he could have batted at 3^rd position every time and continue his hard hitting. Then, he would have hit a century every now and then and be successful every 1/5 innings and be loved for that. But he chose to be there for the team 5/5 times. And yeah, go ahead, abuse him for that.

DHONI, THE “KEEPER”:

If you step out of the crease and miss the shot when Dhoni is keeping, it’s better you just walk away. He is like lightning behind the wickets. We don’t usually admire that because unlike other keepers, he doesn’t dive much and show off. But then, he doesn’t need to. Because, he has an amazing ability of reading the path of the ball and adjusting his position according to that. Everyone knows the ability of Dhoni’s judgement, whether it is about taking the review or appealing at the right time. There were instances when he gave up his helmet to short leg even while keeping near the stumps. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t think about anything other than the team. So, yeah, continue abusing him!

DHONI, THE LEGEND:

28 years of waiting was at last done with that massive winning six. Yes, it was Viru who started the tournament with the crazy 175 and yes, it was Yuvi who shined throughout the tournament. Gambhir was the one who built the trembling innings in the final and Sachin was the one who was praised the most for his dedication. But when Dhoni was praised, cricket fans had problem with that too! They said that he stole the limelight with just one innings, in spite of failing throughout the tournament. But no one took time to understand how was it possible to cruise through the tournament, with an unstable middle order and a weak bowling attack? Of course, it was team work. But Dhoni was the adhesive that kept the team glued together. His tactics, bowling changes, use of part timers etc. were not noticed by many. May be because, we take the most important people and the things they do for us, granted! It is not that he did not face losses. He lost many matches, and that is a part of the game! Important thing was that, he always came back stronger. Gangluly recently stated, “Dhoni should write a book on field placement after he retires.” That is who Dhoni is! He did not see his new born baby for over two months, for the team and the result is the burnt photos and increased security for him! If this is the country he is fighting for, I wish he leaves the team and let the useless fans find someone else to blame. But, he won’t do it. No matter how many more stones you throw at him, he would smile back and continue sacrificing for our sake.

Dravid and Viru continue to be my all time favorites and Dhoni will continue being my secret idol.

QUEEN

How do you really feel when you have fulfilled your dream and reached right to the top of the ladder? May be contented or really proud of yourself. At the author reading of my seventeenth and final book, I might have been the most unsatisfied and confused person present at that book store. A record of seventeen successful books in a row, that too at the age of 28, was truly an unbelievable achievement. But the excitement I had when I completed my first book was no longer present. The author readings have been the only thing that connected me to the real world and made me feel loved. It was my last book and my last reading, but definitely not the end of my passion as I had other things in mind. It was in Paris and as we had expected, it was a full house.

I stretched back in my chair and started reading, “That was the moment I saw her. I start my story from this moment because all the years I have lived before meeting her aren’t really worthy of mentioning compared to the memories, the life, we had together.”

It went on for hours straight and this time, no one were in a mood to stop listening. It became the only reading in which I read 50 pages straight, without a break. Readers (Well, technically listeners) were with me all the way through the journey of bliss. They laughed with me during the insults my characters took in the books, they cried with me during the tragedies my characters faced, they stayed with me during the troubles my characters struggled to overcome and on the whole, they did ride with me during all my emotions and lived my entire life with me.

“Folks, that’s enough reading for today. So, what do you think about it?”

“We all have already read the book Arya, we loved it!” said a funny looking teen with a mustache.

“But you do know why we come here, right? You never answer that question!”

“I didn’t answer many questions. But today’s different. I have already published my last book, so I don’t want to hide anything anymore.”

“Are you single?” asked a hefty guy at the back, who kind of looked like a typical couch potato.

“I would’ve preferred to have asked this question by a girl, but the answer is yes, I am!”

“Were you always?”

“Yeah, kind of. I like to be alone.”

“But your writings don’t suggest so! You either are a man in love or the one who got hurt really bad by someone you loved!”

“You know what, everything in life need not be related to love. Most of the beautiful things have nothing to do with having a girl friend.”

“But, we don’t see any of your writings without a love story, at least for a part of it.”

“Well, that’s because people love love stories. A magician performs tricks and illusions, because audience love to get fooled. It doesn’t mean that the magician himself believes in magic!”

“You once said that most of your writings are inspired by the people around you. Isn’t there any story of yours that you wanted to tell always?”

“Actually, I have one. This is not a story, but about a person. This is a short one, which is why I haven’t mentioned it in my writings, but now I feel everyone should know about her.

After 22 years in India, I moved to USA to pursue my higher education. One day, I was feeling lonelier than ever. Till then, 6 months passed away in the new city. Everyone, including me, have started taking my new life for granted. The homesickness, which almost shattered me at the beginning of the semester was no longer there. I was in the phase in which we don’t think that we miss anything anymore, until a nostalgic moment strikes. Our true happiness is tested in the times of distress. Though it sounds silly, it is true! I have made a lot of friends in those six months, but no one to give the necessary emotional support. It was as though I was living among the group of bots, who care about winning the race but not about the feelings. That day, my emotions hit rock bottom, when I started missing home more than ever and had no one to even talk about it. All it took to get back my strength is the memories of an irresistible, extravagantly beautiful personality of my best mate and my soul friend- Aditi.

When you see her for the first time, you sure would be mesmerized by her stunningly flowing hair, which sways like the gentle flapping of wings of the angel. Her little eyes compliment the long eyebrows. Da Vinci had a theory about symmetry and how a symmetry can take your mind into a state of captivation. Her alluring beauty is complimented by that perfectness in her face. Just when you think that nothing can ever outshine this, her smile proves you wrong. Being a photo maniac, she always tries to find herself a perfect click, in vain. Because, little does she know that it is impossible to capture the bliss and aura that she carries.”

“Mr. Arya, sorry to interrupt, but is this another one of your typical love stories? Nostalgia, sadness, memories, explaining the beauty of a girl. I think we all know where this is going!”

“Well, that’s where you are absolutely mistaken. This is what people see in her. They feel lucky to have known such a beautiful girl. But in reality, they are the most unlucky people on earth, because they never got to see the pristine personality of a Queen, hiding behind that mask of an angel. Do you know what makes a girl, the Queen? It is not about the power or the wealth. It is the ability to make people around her smile, even when she herself is in unbearable pain. There were multiple incidents she shared with me. She once faced rejection and betrayal at the same time and lost her best friend and her love in a single stroke. It tears down anybody, it tore her and yet she smiled. Her favorite teacher passed away before she got to say what she wanted to say. She put up a brave face. She lost the person she loved the most- her granny. She cried, but hid her tears when with others. Why doesn’t tragedies shatter her? Well, they do, but she preferred not to be like a glass that breaks. She was like a diamond. Internally, sadness hit her, reflected and kept hit her hard like a ray of light does to a diamond. But then, she shined!

It was not easy. I came to know how hard it was for her, dealing with multiple things at once. She wanted a shoulder to cry on, but she didn’t ask for one. Because eventually, shoulders stoop and people walk away. It’s not that they don’t love you. But they outgrow the sadness. You alone would know the intensity of your undiminishing pain. Only the person who understands the pain can drive it away- only you yourself can drive it away. Her attitude taught me this. All these things passed my thoughts that day and from then onwards, I never longed for emotional support from outside. I welcomed it, but never wished for it.

There is another interesting thing about us. We had a lot in common. We shared the love for food, photos, humanity, strength, ethics, responsibilities, family, friends and the list goes on. We were soul friends. She inspired in many other things too. The way she sees the world was just amazing. We all live in the same world, but for her eyes, it was more beautiful. That is a gift! Seeing the moon and wondering about the way science of reflection works is a talent. Seeing the same moon and feeling the magic of beauty is an art. Special thing about her is that, she sees the moon, understands the science behind it and yet manages to feel the magic. That is a blessing! She sees the hatred in the world, yet strives to drive it away with love. That, my friends is the nature of a Queen!”

“Wow, where is she now?”

“Do you know that there are dreams and then there is passion? Dreams get fulfilled, like her dream of getting into an IIM did. But passion is a constant chase, which is why she left her job at Morgan Stanley and is now chasing her passion at NIFT. Out of the things I was inspired by her, this is one of it.”

“So, is this why you are quitting writing?”

“Writing was my dream, it got fulfilled. Now, I plan to chase my passion, to spend the rest of my life in Somalia, helping the natives fight the hunger and inspire them with my words.”

There were many questions and some interesting answers, but till date, I remember my last work as an author as describing the most amazing personality I have ever known.

TIMELESS

“Some journeys are worth the ‘time’.”

FIRST DAY OF THE AUTUMN, 

YEAR 2550.

“Are you sure about this?”
“No!”
“Then let’s stop this madness. I know that your body would stand this, but I don’t think your mind will take it.”
“Why?”
“You have been gone to the past 20 times now and this is your last chance. Once you travel through time now, this vortex will be unbounded from your soul, once and for all. You know you are immortal and I don’t think you can withstand the mental abyss of saying the final good bye and then living a lonely life, forever.”
“Do you expect me to stay back, after all these years?”
“No, but as the gatekeeper of the vortex and your protector, I am obliged to warn you of the consequences.”
“Neghas, you are not my protector. You are my friend!”
“Then why are you leaving me?”
“You know that I will be nothing but a bird with broken wings if I do not go on this journey!”
“You are not a bird, you are an angel. And it is difficult to imagine an angel without wings! I will open the vortex for you. But before leaving me, I want to give you a gift. Ask me anything.”
“Anything! Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I am. I promise.

“Actually, you are right, I may not stand the thought of final goodbye for long. When my soul is completely broken, I want you to break my body too. I know you have the power to drain the immortality of Traths.”
“But…”
“You gave your word! Promise me that when I am completely broke and hopeless, you will release me of that pain.”
“I promise” were the last words of the protector before releasing the door of the vortex and Resyah was sucked into it.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Far beyond the worlds, or above, as you see it, there was a kingdom called Trath. Time was born there and the Universes were created and protected by its kings. Royals of the Trath were immortal. They grow into their youth and then they stay the same forever. As a result, an oath was taken that whenever the next of kin come of age, the present king would pass his crown and responsibilities to their heir and take the permanent responsibilities of guarding any seven Universes of their choice. The first king, Shyaka, was elected as the punisher of the kings, to ensure that nothing goes wrong and the second king, Neghas was elected as a master of time and protector of the vortex to guide the royals regarding time travel. Soul of every king and queen is bonded to the vortex and they can travel through time for 21 times after which the bond would be broken. After a thousand kings ruled the kingdom, came the era of Resyah, the first woman to rule the Trath.

Resyah, the next to be queen, was the princess of Trath, the most beautiful woman that universe had ever seen. With a sensuous smile and piercing eyes, she was the heart throb of the seven worlds and beyond. Every time she rode a horse, her hair flew like a lion’s mane and her grace stole the dreams of many. Her fieriness was a strong competitor to her beauty. But the clear winner was her kind hearted nature. She used to dine with the peasants and play with the orphan children. In the times when untouchability was growing into a monster, she used to hug the grieving homeless to comfort them. This made her a very popular figure among the poor but the committee of thousand, especially Shyaka, gradually grew hatred towards her for spoiling the royal traditions. They were waiting for the right opportunity to strike and a great opportunity knocked their door.

Into the first year of her rule, an epidemic broke in the eastern part of the kingdom and within no time, people were dying everywhere. A remedy was found by the royal doctor to stop the disease from spreading further but no one were ready to go to the diseased place as they knew that the medicine would not work on the unique body structure of westerners. There was no other choice, but to send the army of westerners because the remedy needs to be spread as quickly as possible to avoid the genocide and only capable people left to do it were westerners. The thousand kings refused to step into the land of the poor and Resyah had no other choice, but to send in the army. She led the army into doom, but she survived as she was immortal. Thousands of soldiers were dead, but saved an entire race of millions. But the wives of soldiers were unhappy. They pleaded Shyaka to give them justice by cursing her with pain and tragedy. Shayaka was more than happy to give them ‘justice’. He banished Resyah and cursed her,

 “You have taken away the love of so many women. You shall experience the pain which is infinite times to this. In a faraway universe, there is a place which is so rotten that people living there are filled with nothing but jealousy, apathy and carelessness. You shall be reborn into this most dreadful place, called Earth and live a normal life. You shall fall in love with someone and love him more than your life. After he dies, you shall regain your powers and memories of your present life and stay at the gates of the vortex forever, with those thoughts causing you pain of hell!”

….and that ended the shortest era of the history of Trath!

____________________________________________________________________

Commence of the Spring,
Year 2011.

Results were out and Reah was disappointed by her result as she couldn’t make it count. Her best friend, Pradyu made it through and she was happy for him. She decided to give it another try and he was with her. Despite the new busy life, he made her goals as his dreams and her dreams as his realities. They had many memories, some sweet, some silly, but they cherished each one of them. She cleared the exam in the next chance and rather than being grateful, she felt something else. He too felt something more than just being responsible. In every single thing, they trusted each other more than themselves. There was no particular starting point, but they eventually were spell bounded by inseparable love. There never is a starting point for true love. Things just go on. It may have been the power of their love or cruelty of hatred of Shyaka, they have never been separated from each other for the rest of their lives, until he passed away at the age of 105. As soon as he left that world, Reah

once again regained her memories and immortality and was taken back to the gates of the vortex as Resyah!

She was so deep in love with the human that she opted to travel back in time to live her life with him again. Each time she travelled through time, it would take 540 years for the vortex to bind with the same person again and every time, she waited all the 540 years, with his memories. And after that, she did the same over and over again until there was only one chance left and she embarked on the journey, one final time.

There was an unbearable pain. Around 10,000 years of waiting and 2000 years of love, came to an end. She was dragged back to the vortex and this time she couldn’t see anything or anyone except infinite darkness. Memories of their incredible love rolled over and over again until she almost lost her hope. But every time she was on the verge of losing her hope, the fragile memories made her stick along for a little more. Centuries passed by and on the other side of the door, Neghas was waiting for her to lose her last ray of hope so that he could relieve her from the pain but she didn’t lose hope for several millennia. Those fragile memories were faded out and suddenly, at the corner of her eye, she saw a ray of light. She remembered the promise Neghas made to her and was ready to accept her end. She closed her eyes with a smile to embrace her death but also wondered whether there was any chance of that light, to be coming from the opening of vortex!

SERENDIPITY

21^st September 2011:

One year into my useless engineering life and two days into my disappointing birthday celebrations, the only reason I agreed to go along with my friends, to an event which I had no interest in, is the love I had towards the society IBS. I did not even know the names of the hosts and hoped for the event to end as quickly as possible. As the tradition goes, hosts were late by fifteen minutes and the audience, by forty! Inside the venue room, noise was more irritating than the logics in Fast n Furious and the chaos was more overwhelming than the mindless Transformers action sequences. Amidst the chaos, something struck my eye, something prettier than beautiful, something more magical than enchantment, something more divine than heaven. My stupid mind did not exactly capture the unknown before it got lost amidst the confusion. Slowly, people began to turn the chaos into personal conversations and I was busy in discussing my situation with my friends. Suddenly, a girl shouted at the top of her voice, asking everyone to be quiet. Struck by surprise, I turned towards the dais and that was the moment when my heart skipped a beat, or two! The alluring stature of the angel in front of my eyes, made everything flash in my mind, about the incident which happened a few seconds ago. It was her smile! A gracious smile, which then turned into the flames of anger. No one dared to speak after that. By the expressions of the people around me, I guessed that the event must have been going well. I could not judge it myself as I was completely in another world. It seemed like my broken life had been put on a ventilator of love and it was breathing again! Just as you go into a state of limbo when put on ventilators, my mind too was chasing the never ending horizon. Before I knew, the event was over and I was snapped back to reality. I congratulated her for the success of the event, in facebook. After a painful year, my heart smiled together with my lips, for the first time. I opened the diary, blew off the dust and here I am! By the way, I got to know from my friends, her name was Lekhya.

October 22, 2011:

I was almost sure that she was never going to talk to me after what I did today! It has been almost a month since I saw her for the first time and it has been exactly one year since the girl I loved in my high school rejected me and abandoned me. Pain was fighting hard with the bliss and that war grounded my self-confidence. Because of that, I did not talk to Lekhya even once! It took me 28 days and the occasion of her birthday to gain enough confidence to talk to her and once I decided to wish her, I wanted to be the first one to do so. I felt that it was a big mistake, because manipulating situation to get a girl’s number is one thing, but calling her at the stroke of midnight and freaking her out is just crossing the line. I got her number after going through various college databases and called her exactly at 00:00.

“Hey, this is Abhi.”

“Umm, who?”

“We met at your event. We chatted that day in fb, remember?”

“Yeah, of course! How did you get my number?”

“Not important! Happy birthday.”

“Thank you” she giggled.

“Hope you are not angry with me.”

“No, it’s okay. Thank you for wishing me and listen, I got to go. My friends planned a party.”

First, I was surprised by her cool reaction. And also, that was the moment I realized that I did not know anything about the girl, except that she has the most glorious eyes and she has got divine aura surrounding her! My first love, Maya was my best friend. I fell in love with Maya after I loved every single detail about her- both her perfections and imperfections. But this time, I fell in love without knowing anything about Lekhya. I thought that it was destined to happen so. Second, I felt that she did cut the phone intentionally and would avoid me from then on. Is it going to be an eternal love or dumb infatuation? Only the future could decide how the life unfolds for me.

October 22,2014:

It is really funny how life decides what’s right for you. Having said that, it is amazingly right every time, besides being funny! Life is a survivor- a really good one. It does whatever it can to optimize its happiness. It has been three years since I first talked to her and now, things wouldn’t have more perfect than it is today! These three years have been a roller coaster ride. There were ups, there were downs, but at every single turn, it was fun! After that day, she behaved normally and I was surprised by her selfless and down to earth attitude. My feelings towards her stayed for some more days, but with time, I realized that those feelings were because of the rebound phase I was going through. Once I came out of it, I realized that it was all a mistake, but not a bad time. I earned a friend in the process. It was serendipity. In the due course of time, we became best of friends and no matter the huge number of miles between us, it feels special to have someone who is your friend for selfless reasons and you are there for each other when needed!

THE SALSA ~ FOREVER

FOR THE FIRST PART, CLICK HERE – SALSA: DIVINE RHYTHM

“When you have someone who walks with you through all the phases of life, even the slight stumble in your walk resembles a great dance of love.” ~Sitaramasastri

“You have to let go of her. You barely have any money left and you heard what the doctor said! There’s less than 10% probability for the operation to be a success and even if it does, it would recur in less than an year.”

“An year? I would spend everything even if gives me just one one more day with her. You are talking about a whole year!”

“Dad! Trust me. I love her more than you do and I would miss her more than you ever did. But there’s a limit to everything. You have already put all your savings into the medical expenses and now you want to auction your awards and mementos? Isn’t that stepping over the line?”

After struggling a bit with my half working left hand, I finally wheeled my wheelchair towards the wall where all the photo frames were hung.

“You think you love her more than I do?” I asked with a smile, “Then you have no idea of what she means to me and of the extent I would go to save her.”

“Whatever! If you don’t value your memories and are determined to sell your mementos, I have got nothing more to say to you. You just are out of your mind. Mom would hate you for this. She would’ve wanted you to keep the mementos.”

My Shalini! Hating me! How silly does it sound. Our beautiful memories are our shadows, preserved safely in the depths of mementos. But Shalini is my soul. I don’t mind losing my shadow to breathe life into my soul. I knew that Shalini would understand me.

“Son, I have made my decision. Your arguments would only prolong the waiting time but definitely would not affect my decisions.”

“Then you are for yourself dad. Don’t expect me to take this insane step with you. Good bye.”

_______________________________________________________________________________

I appreciated the really good work my old heart did in holding strong in the moments of high stress and tension. I had sold all my mementos and got just enough money to pay for the surgery. Those 4 hours of the surgery were the most painful and heartbreaking moments for me. After almost two hours, I saw someone standing at the corner down the hallway and tried to figure out who it was and started moving towards that direction.

“Abhi?” I was shocked to see him standing there and watching the doors of operation theatre like some stalker.

“I’m sorry dad. I behaved too rudely with you. You know me, I can’t control my emotions!”

“It’s okay Abhi.”

“If you don’t want me here, I understand. I can leave.”

“I dont know what I want Abhi. But, I need you! I can’t handle this alone.”

“You don’t have to, dad. I’m here with you. I won’t leave you ever.”

Abhi helped me shift to the chair in front of operation theatre and he took a seat beside me. There was an awkward silence between us for five whole minutes and then he spoke, “Dad, please tell me your love story.”

“Mom had told you that, at least a hundred times.”

“And I want to listen to it one more time. It’s just the best! And this time, for a change, you would be telling the story. So, it is special.”

“I’m not in a mood Abhi. I can’t” I said sternly.

“Hmm, do you think that I love mom more than you do?”

“Not a chance!”

“How can you be so confident. You don’t know how much I love her”

“And you know how much I love her!”

“But you proposed within one month of meeting her! How did you decide that she’s your soul mate, after such a short time!”

“And I love you from the moment I first took you into my hands. How is that not a surprise? Besides, I did not decide that she’s my soul-mate. I felt it. Same with your case”

“Felt it? That happens only in fairy tales. I believe our life is built up on the decisions we make, not the feelings we trust.”

“You’ll not understand now Abhi. It might take you years to understand it. Actually, it might have taken years for me to understand my feelings towards her. But I was lucky! Actually, you don’t need years of trust to love someone. All you need is one single moment where you close your eyes, look into your soul and feel the need to mark your life with the footprints of her thoughts!”

“Hold on dad! This talk is getting too filmy for me to handle. When mom wakes up and gives you a good scolding for selling her favorite mementos, you’ll understand.”

That was the moment we realized that we forgot about Shalini’s operation. Snapping out from the conversation mode, Abhi raced towards the door to ask the doctor about the proceedings. He came back and hugged me with tears of happiness flowing through his eyes.

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FEW DAYS LATER:

It was fifth stroll in four days. She was assisting the wheelchair and was helping me to help her take a stroll as the doctor suggested. We almost completed three fourths of the walk when the dark clouds started conquering the otherwise pleasant skies. Soon, it started raining heavily and we took cover under an abandoned bus shelter. Three hours passed by and still there were no signs of a clear sky.

“So, you would still not talk to me?” I finally broke the silence for the day.

She looked away, uninterested in my words.

I couldn’t hold it any longer. “Do you hate me?” I said as my voice trembled and tears filled my eyes.

She held my hand, wiped my tears and finally said, “I didn’t ever want to see tears in your eyes. Every day in the hospital, I dreamt of you being happy looking at the mementos we earned. You lost your leg in the path of earning those. How could you sell those?”

“Because if I hadn’t, I knew I would lose my soul. Losing my leg has caused me enough pain and I couldn’t afford losing my soul! It would have shattered me.”

“But what about the promise you made? You said you would always keep the memories of our last dance with you! How could you break that promise?”

“I remember the promise Shalini. And I did not break it.”

She looked at me, confused.

“How would I break my promise if there is no last dance?”

“What, no!” she exclaimed, reading my intentions.

I tightened my grip on her hands and dragged her into the rain. She knew there’s no stopping me. For the people looking at us, we were just some insane old couple, holding hands and swaying around in rain. But for us, it was the salsa! Once again, we danced. This time, to the music of nature.

THE WIRE: GAME OF WORDS

“The most dangerous criminal may be the man gifted with reason, but with no morals.”

~Martin Luther King, jr

“We need to understand the difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment is what you do to someone; discipline is what you do for someone.“

~Zig Ziglar

 

 

As I prepared myself mentally for what was probably going to be my toughest interview till date, I had also invited the possibility of Abhimanyu not being the culprit. That was the first rule of our designation- “Do not have any prejudices”. Even if he is the culprit, I knew that it was not going to be easy to get him to confess. I started the interrogation with the formal opening statement,

“”My name is Ananya Desai, I work for Neesham Police Department. My role today is to interview you in relation to the offence(s) you’ve been arrested for. I will be recording this conversation purely for my reference.”

 

He just smiled back as a reply. There were absolutely no signs of tension or worry in his face. I continued,

 

“I now need to caution you, and it’s important that you understand what the caution means, so you do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence. Do you understand?”

 

He just nodded his head. Nothing seem to get to him.

 

“You have the right to remain silent and the right to attorney. Do you need a lawyer?”

 

He nodded again, this time, sideways, indicating that he doesn’t need one.

 

“Why not! Is it because you are confident of fighting your own case?”

 

He smiled and spoke for the first time, “It is because I confess of my crimes.”

I was scandalized for a moment. I was not expecting a confession that soon. “Is it how my final case going to end!” Something was not right there and I felt that it was all part of his plan. I stopped the recording and erased the past five minutes’ conversation. I didn’t want my final interrogation to end that way.

 

“Do you realize that the punishment would be severe if you try to mislead the system? Anything you want to add or change about your answer?”

 

“Yes ma’am. I want to add something. It started 42 years back and I killed each one of those 14 victims myself. 14, in the eyes of the law. I killed many more. None of those murders were instinctive. Each one was planned and sketched well before and I have no regrets.”

 

Well, he continued to amaze me! I then had nothing else to ask, related to the case. But I felt that that encounter was incomplete. I wanted to know everything about him. As I generally did, I wanted to read him.

“Do you remember anything about your real parents?”

“Of course, I remember them dying. Our home was robbed and when my parents resisted, they slit my mother’s throat and bludgeoned my father to death. I was about three at that time and they left me alone.” he said casually.

No wonder he turned into a monster that he was!

 

“So, how did it all start?”

 

“I used to have nightmares about my parents’ death and that is when I started having episodes of insomnia. My foster father used to drink and torture me and my foster mother daily. One day, he was beating us like hell and I tried to run away. But I stayed back, thinking of my mother’s condition. I looked around and that is when I found a wire on the floor. I took it and as I strangled it around his neck, that was the moment I found my ultimate medicine to sleep, may be pleasure. As the wire pierced through the layers of his skin and the blood started dripping slowly, I found the solace of my life. As it was my first time, I remember every single detail. Slowly, his face turned blue and his tongue started hanging out until his chest. As he left his last breath, my chest felt lighter. And as he fell down, I felt as if tons of weight was unloaded from upon me. I knew instantly that it was going to be my addiction. My mother was shocked and called the police to spin a story about a mysterious man who murdered my father. That was the day when for the world, a monster was born and for me, an angel!”

 

I was not at all shocked. I have heard many such cases before in my career. I began to think that he is just any other criminal. I wanted to confirm it by asking one question which shatters almost every criminal,

 

“Can you please explain to me how can a person find pleasure in pain?”

 

He replied with a question, “Officer, how often do you pray?”

 

“I don’t believe in god.”

 

“Do you have children?”

 

“Yes”

 

“When you buy something for them, they look happy. How do you feel when you see a smile on their face then?”

 

“Unmatchable! That’s the best thing in the world.”

 

“When my children come to visit me during my guest time, they look elated. They hug me and kiss me and I feel nothing! It doesn’t make a difference when they laugh. It’s not that I don’t want to be happy. Every single moment of my life, I probe for happiness in everything that crosses my path, in vain. I find happiness only when I see blood and that too when I make it spill myself.”

 

“How did you manage to stay under the radar all these years?”

 

“Deception! I volunteered myself to the observational facility and volunteering patients are the ones who get minimum security. My mother taught me how to hide behind the shadows of the department itself. I was always under your scanner. You were looking when I made the plans, you were looking when I set the targets and you were looking when I sneaked out regularly. You were just looking, not observing! And every time you had to solve the murder case, you were focusing your view everywhere except under your own cameras.”

 

Brilliant! Why do criminals always have to be this clever! But no matter what, intelligence can never negate a person’s vileness.

 

“What about the lives of the people you’ve murdered? Do you have no regards for their future and their family?”

 

“Ma’am, right from the moment I killed my foster father, my mother understood that this is not a one-time affair and this is going to turn into an addiction. She always used to say, “Our country has absolutely no shortage for criminals. If you have no other choice than to be a criminal yourself, then better clean the existing ones.” You speak about the future and families I have destroyed. Just take a peep into the lives of those families. They are better off without them, than with them. Among the people I killed, there was a father who sexually harassed his own daughter. There was a son who caged his mother and tortured her for money. There was a brother who killed his sister’s lover to protect his family name. There was a guy who gang raped his lover in the company of his friends. Every time I strangle these people with my wire, I feel that I have made this world a better place and gave their families, a better future.”

 

“If you have confessed, it means you are ready to face the noose. Then why are you trying to justify your crimes?”

 

“Your question, my answer!”

 

What he did was a good thing for the society. But a person who finds pleasure in killing someone can never be an angel. He is nothing more than a monster! Everyone has their own reasons and everyone has their own targets, but at the end of the day, they are criminals. One question remains in my head though, which I had to get an answer from him,

 

“Why now? You’ve been successful all these days, so why stop now? Are you tired of running?”

 

His dangerous looking grin is back. He replied, “I am never tired. You have enlisted my name as the primary suspect. The moment you did it, my cover is blown. From now, it would difficult for me to work in the shadows. Once I reach the limit of my endurance and I lose my channel, I may attack someone innocent. The first thing my mother taught me is to use the wire on myself before killing an innocent and here I am.”

 

Well, he asked for it! I just had a conversation with one of the great thinkers I have ever met. But inevitably, we had to declare the death sentence. Within days, he was all over the news. Our department concealed the details about his confession and everyone tagged his death as one of the most efficient pieces of work our department has ever done. The world has finally got ridden of a monster!

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FEW MONTHS LATER,

AREA13,
NEAR RANN OF KUTCH.

 

An area which never existed on paper. No citizen knew what happens there. Every year, hundreds of criminals go missing. Police are criticized for letting criminals escape and giving pardon to the ones who committed deadly crimes. We can’t do a thing with our hands tied down by the law, media and human rights association. So, we came up with a solution- Area 13. It is virtually non-existing in the daily lives of people. All those missing criminals are the ones who are shifted to Area 13, all those who escape are hunted down and dragged back there and all the deadly ones who are pardoned are diverted there. There the old and dead tradition of “third degree” comes back to life. Information is extracted from the criminals by any means. Criminals are given the treatment they deserve. Rape culprits are castrated, murderers are tortured. Death is just another part of the day there.

 

For the world, Abhimanyu is dead. But I shifted him to the Area 13, not as a prisoner, but as a recruit.

 

After my retirement, I used to be a regular visitor and mentor there. It was the first day of his work after the training. I was waiting to see him, standing outside the interrogation chamber and seeing through the glass window. The prisoner was a police officer who raped a tribal girl of 14 and killed her and her family. It was absolutely quiet, as if he was waiting for his death.

 

After a long pause of silence, entered Abhimanyu, with the wire in his hand.