TWO STORIES- BORN FREE. LOVE FREE. LIVE FREE

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion”
~ Albert Camus

 

This is the first person narrative of one of the characters from the series – Shreshta.  Complete the two part love story before reading this. Find it here-  https://euphoricwrites.wordpress.com/category/posts/stories/two-stories/

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 Love, care, affection, appraisal and every other emotion was equally shared by our parents, between me and my elder brother. Ours was one of those happy small families illustrated in the social text books. We were equally treated and I had no complaints. Then one day, I realized that things were not the same anymore and it was when I realized that I grew up! I started to understand that one prime thing that defines a person- freedom, is not equally given to us. After I started going to high school, I felt the difference! I was not allowed to travel alone, without the presence of one of our family members. I thought it was because they care about me. But one day, my friend told me that my parents used to enquire daily about me, whether I am talking to any boys in the school. I had access to social networking but my parents used to go through all the chat at the end of the day and if they found out any signs of closeness with the opposite gender, I get a class.

 

I thought that life would be easier once I get to college, but it became tougher for me by the day. I suffer the pain of being reminded by my parents every single day about how careful I should be with my actions and how the family reputation is more important than my actions. May be due to these restrictions, I tried getting into relationships just for the sake of teaching them a lesson. Two times, I even got into proper relationships but they didn’t last for months. Suicidal behaviour started creeping into my mind slowly, but powerfully. I already attempted to end my life, those two times my relationships failed, but couldn’t gather the courage to do so. All these sufferings and experiences made me a strong and matured person. I have given up on love and sensibility in this world and decided to do something useful in my life. I realized that only way out of this hell is if I settle down in life and carry myself. But I don’t wasn’t to repeat the mistakes I did with the relationships. I don’t want to build a mechanized career just for its sake. I have decided that I am going to build a lovable career in the human arts field.

My first beautiful moment of the college life- when I started reading blogs written by my senior, Arya, and to read them was the decision which changed the face of my life. My heart did overflow with the sweet emotions he portrayed in his writings and I was mesmerized by the way his sad endings give out the stroke of practicality. I wanted to get to know him personally and that was the moment when I wished to join in the literary society of our college which he leads. When I got selected in it, I tried to divert all my thoughts and actions to work for it. It not only helped me pacifying the pain, but I developed my skills and prepared myself for this competitive world. I got to know Arya better and he taught me many things about personality development. Though we didn’t remain in touch much, due to the restrictions I had, one day I opened up to him and explained him about my life. Until then, whoever listened to my story has slowly moved away from me. But then, it was Arya! After the team meeting next day, he spoke to me in person for three hours and I was in tears by the end of it! I did attempt to kill myself in the past, but never did I cry. For once, I loved being vulnerable! He made me promise that I would never again try to end my life. As I made the promise, I fell in love with him. Though I knew that he just had a break up, I was happy that for once in my life, I truly fell in love! I was ready to wait for him to move on after his break up, wait all my life!

 But life is funny! It tests you in every possible way and my life was nothing less than a Geroge RR Martin’s novel! Whenever a sign of happiness enter my life, it doesn’t take more than a day to fill it with tragedy again! That day when I went back home, I was scolded badly for talking with a guy alone. My brother must had seen me talking with Arya and complained to my parents. I was on the verge of my breaking point because I never knew that my brother too was a part of that orthodox torture batch. For the first time in my life, I backed up myself!

“He is my senior and we were talking professional matters” I said.

“You were crying. Is that professional?” my brother’s words continued to sting me.

“He was explaining me about life and nothing more, I swear!” I said, in a shaking tone.

“What if someone else had seen you? What about our family name?”

“When you roam around the city on your bike, with your girlfriend, doesn’t it matter? You even bring your girl to home and talk to anyone you want for hours on the phone. What about it?” I yelled.

*SLAP* My brother did hit me and my parents were supporting him. I broke completely, stormed off from there and locked myself up in my room. As my eyes were fixed on the blade at the corner of my study table, I knew that this time I have enough courage to pierce the blade into the layers of my wrist and end my suffering. But I remembered the promise I made to Arya. “The moment you give you, you already are dead” he told me once. I decided that from then on, I would neither give up nor be dead. I went to the hall room once again and said with a smile,

“I am in love with Arya.”

*SLAP* That was it! One cannot stay enslaved forever. That moron slapped me again! This time, I just smiled and I sat down on the sofa to watch the cartoons. I turned back and said, “I didn’t see it coming this time. I promise you that next time you try to slap me, I will dodge it, hold your arm and twist it until you beg me for mercy.” A lengthy silence occupied the room and my favourite music of Tom and Jerry broke the silence.

 

SIX MONTHS LATER:

I did change a lot in these six months. Slowly, but surely, I started breaking the chains tied to me my entire life. They still tortured me with words whenever they found a reason, but I no longer cared. I realized that I was answerable to no one, except myself. The more freedom I embraced, more love flew into my life.

It was the day of farewell and it was heart breaking to see the person I love, suffering in the memories of the person he loved. I realized that it was meaningless to wait till his suffering period is over. May be I was not the rebound but maybe I was the cure! But also, I was careful not to wound him forever. I expressed every single feeling I ever had, have and will be having on him. I proposed, he hesitated and I made another promise. This time, I promised him that by the time he completes MS and visits India, I would be standing at the airport to receive him and if he doesn’t love me by that time, he can just pass by me.

 

TWO YEARS LATER:

We remained as good friends these two years, but I was not sure whether he had feelings for me or not. I got placed in a reputed company as Human Resource manager. With the money I had been saving for myself all these years by working as a part timer in various small companies, I moved to my own place, far away from my hell-home. I became completely free and I loved him more by the every passing day! As I promised, I waited in the airport and my heart skipped a beat as he moved towards me. A tear rolled down my cheek when he did hold my hands and said, “Shreshta, I promise to love you for the rest of our lives and after!” and that was the last time I ever cried in my life!

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Freedom is the best characteristic that defines a person. One quote from “Brave Heart” which has been a great source of inspiration in my life,

“Fight and you may die. Run, and you will live… at least for a while. But, dying in your beds, many years from now, you would be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take OUR FREEDOM!”  

TWO STORIES: PAIN OF LOVE

 

For first part, click here: PART 1

SHRESTA, CHAPTER2

August 2013- December 2013

She made it into our literary society and I was happy that we got a sensible and matured member in our team. Over the days, because of the disturbances in my private life and because of the lack of time in final year, we never did talk much. She became a loved and important member of our society and everything was going on perfectly! Now and then, she used to ask me some doubts regarding literary aspects of our society and personality development. I, being a good listener and motivator, used to give her advices and used to motivate her on the career and life aspects. One day, I came to know about her personal life and I was shocked to hear that she was in a depression state, so much that she tried to commit suicide twice because of relationship failures. Seeing the way she laughs and inspires people with her words, I never expected her life to be that troubled! That was the moment I realized that life is not a path towards a goal. It is a series of parallel roads on which many versions of you ride simultaneously. That is the reason you can be depressed about something and still continue to have fun with the friends at the same time. As life goes on, some roads are never taken anymore and some are ignored forever. All we can do is to turn every single stone on every single road into mementos and finally into memories, which are to be cherished forever! My respect towards her increased even more. I had a 3 hour talk with her, in person and succeeded in explaining the meaninglessness of taking one’s own life. She was in tears half of the time but at the end, she promised to fight harder this time.

 

MAYA CHAPTER 3

September 2010 – November 2013

It did not take more than two days for her to accept my proposal. We even passed the “odd phase” of first two months where neither of us were sure of how to carry forward the relationship and where hours of continuous chatting follows days of silence. After that phase, we started opening up more and once the barriers between our private lives were eliminated and that was when we actually became one. Our relationship had seen everything, from silly fights and serious arguments to first kiss and being there for each other always. But as our final year of the college arrived, we started seeing things in a more practical way and naturally the relationship started getting fragile every time! I got an admission in US and that was my first preference. She was placed in a management company. We decided that we would stabilize our careers and after that we will settle down. When asked about my career, I said, “You know that my dream is to become a writer. Once I settle down well, financially, after 7-8 years, I will leave my job and pursue my dream.” She said, “Come on Arya! You are not serious, are you?! You know how difficult it is to become a recognised writer in this country. You write beautifully, but honestly I don’t think your writings are good enough to back up our future family financially!” Indirectly I was given a choice- Maya or Writing! Maya was my life and I had promised her that I won’t let her smile fade off ever. But what about the promise I made to myself that I would never give up my dreams! I knew for a fact that if I leave my dream now, I may be happy for a few years with Maya. But, a day will surely come, when I would blame her for my sleepless nights caused haunted by my left out dreams and I didn’t want that to happen. She deserves a better, beautiful relationship. I had to walk away!

 

SHRESHTA, CHAPTER 3

April 2014

I was in the most delicate phase of my life. It was about a month since Maya and I had a break up and it was the farewell season! Time had arrived, to say good bye to all the loved ones and being on pursue of MS in US, I was not even sure if I would meet them ever again! My heart hadn’t still accepted the fact that I said good bye to the most beautiful relationship I had with Maya, but as I had learnt from Shresta, we just got to live our lives on parallel roads! I realized how painful it is to part ways with the girl whom you thought would be with you for the rest of your life! My mood swings became rampant and I started losing friends. Only the caring ones stuck on to me, trying to get me back into my life. It was the day of farewell. We were enjoying the Rapid Fire round when Shresta entered the hall, wearing a white sari! I tried to restrain my mind from going back to the memories of the first time I saw Maya, in vain. After that, I didn’t speak a word for almost an hour. I said I needed a break and went outside to spend some time alone, walking in the dark! I was lost into the painful memories when a hand patted my back. It was Shresta and her smile made me forget my past for a moment. As she does always, she started blabbering, “Sir, you know how painful my life was when I joined this college. I haven’t told you this ever. The first beautiful memory of mine in this college, is when I read your blog. My heart had overflown with the sweet emotions you write and I was mesmerized by the way your sad endings have the stroke of practicality. That was the only reason why I came to your event then and I opted to join in this society only to know you personally! We might have not been as close as I wished for, but you were always there for me and you are the one who gave me a reason to never thinking of dying again. I redefined my life and every word in this new definition is given by you. I had never said this because I knew how much you loved Maya di and even I was shattered when I came to know about your break up. You know, whenever I read the stories written by you and your description of your female lead, I just wish that I was girl in your stories and in your life. I know this is not a right time to tell you all this, but I also know that if I don’t say it now, I might not be able to say it forever!”

I was speechless. I sat down silently for five minutes and I said, “Right from the first moment we met, I always have admired you! A guy should be lucky to have a woman like you in his life. But I just might not be that lucky!”

She said, “Sir, I know better than anyone how difficult this stage is, to get out of. Carry on with your higher studies. I will wait. After two years of your studies, when you will return to India, I would still be waiting for you. I will be there, standing in the airport, to receive you. By then, if you still don’t think we can live together, just pass by me.”

Just then, everyone came out and dragged me back into the party and the long, confusing day was finally over!

 

NOW: 

One thing that has always amused me is the comfort level between me and Shresta which never went down, even after her proposal. We always have remained friends and chat every day. May be, that was because, I did not want to lose a great friend because of some minor misunderstandings. But I still am not sure of whether to accept her proposal or not. When I boarded down the flight and came into the receiving chamber of the Airport, I had news reporters storming around me. As I had mentioned earlier, these two years were lonely as well as regenerating for me. If I believed in destiny, I may have said that “Destiny had shined over my life”. Two of my books were published and I became a mainstream writer. Through the flashes of the cameras, I saw Shresta, standing far behind and smiling at my success. I was amused! She really came to the Airport as she promised me two years ago! I managed to complete my interview in ten minutes and went to her. Her moist eyes expressed the mount of love she has on me! That was the moment I realized that we are bound to be together. This time, I made the promise, “Shresta, I promise to love you for the rest of our lives and after!”

 

“There is love after love failure,

 There is life after love failure! ”

~ Raja Rani (Movie)

 

TWO STORIES: TALES OF LOVE

“Love cannot be found where it doesn’t exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.”

– Kissing a Fool (Movie)

NOW:

It has been two years since we last met. One thing I had learnt in these lonely and regenerating days is that love is timeless and infinite. To not be in love with someone may be your choice but to be is not yours! Two years is a long time for the scars of love to be fade off, but is it enough to gather courage to go on another adventure of love?! Many questions were storming my mind and with still a bit of ambiguity in my mind and fear in my heart, I boarded the flight.

 

MAYA – CHAPTER ONE

August 2010

It was the moment in which I made a decision of staying back in my college. Right from the day I was admitted, I was frustrated by the ragging and group culture in our college. But more than anything, just like almost everyone else, I was depressed of not making it into IITs and felt NIT is not what I deserve. The Jugaadu culture in our college was making it more difficult for an individual with no contacts, like me, to stay in this wretched place. But that moment changed everything. It was our fresher’s party and as usual we were taken to a corner of the auditorium and were being ragged. On top of that, some horrible dances and unbearable singing was making it hell. I was on the verge of bursting out and shouting at seniors. Then came an announcement, “Our next performer is Maya, from Electrical branch, first year. She is going to perform a dance number on ‘Iktara’ from Wake Up Sid.” That was it! Everyone started hooting and shouting that stop these slow numbers. It sure was a wonderful song to hear, but is it good for a dance number!? There came a girl on stage, wearing a white sari. She was an eternal beauty! Once the song started, she just flew with the movements. The way she moved her hands and the way she expressed the mood of the song in her eyes was impeccable! It was as though lyrics were following her movements. Everyone went into a state of awe and I went into a state of falling in first love! Her loose hair was flowing through air carefully as if it was afraid to come into the way and hide her face. As soon as the song ended, I sneaked out into the back stage and complimented her. She smiled and said thank you. That smile was enough for the sweetness of Iktara to be echoed in my heart! That was the moment when I decided that I could go to any lengths to make that smile stay on those lips forever! For that night, I had to settle down with the slaps I got from seniors for sneaking out.

 

SHRESTA, CHAPTER 1

November 2012

Being a third year student and head of the literary affairs, I was organizing a literary event in our Tech Fest and Maya was accompanying me. As it happens every year, turn out of the crowd was poor, thanks to the reputation that in our college fests are conducted only to fill the pockets of organizers with lot of money. It was not false and we know that there is going to be poor crowd. But still, we were disappointed and were bored to death. Our first round being a group discussion, no were even daring to come to our premises as group discussions are the most feared events in our college, next to GPLs. After two hours, a crowd of seven were accumulated and we started the group discussion. Topic was on the existence of god and I knew there were going to be some serious arguments, mostly about some bull shit philosophy they have heard somewhere in the Idiot Box. While I was prepared for a meaningless discussion, a girl started talking and it took less than a minute to appreciate and immerse in her views. The way she described human nature and the philosophy of existence of god was thought provoking. I turned to Maya and joked, “Try talking sensible things like that girl did, at least once in a while” and I had to say sorry for a hundred times, but that’s a different story. This girl, Shresta, had impressed me with her words and I had grown deep reverence for her, even though she is two years junior to me!

 

MAYA CHAPTER 2

September 2010

After that night, I did not waste any time in sending her the friend request and she accepted it. Complimenting her dance became my daily routine and not before long, she became irritated of my flirty behaviour. To my luck, her birthday was near and I had enough time to surprise her (or impress her)! I bought coloured papers and have written articles describing her in 365 different ways, in 365 different papers. I gave it to her on her birthday, bent down on my knees and said, “I was able to describe you in so many different ways because over the past few days, I myself have found to be nothing more than a reflection of you. I don’t want it to be this way. I want us both to compliment of each other for the rest of our lives.”

 

She was in tears. She asked, “How can you be so sure that we will be spending the rest of our lives together? It is not an easy thing to promise that, in any relationship.”

 

I replied, “I can’t promise you that either. First time I met you, your smile melted down my heart and I can promise you that as long as we are together, it would always be melting and I will make sure that your smile stays forever.”

 

She said, “I don’t even know you that well! Our conversations were nothing but a set of compliments and thank yous.”

 

I said, “I will wait”

 

She said, “It may take a long time and I am not even sure of this!”

 

I said, “I am ready to wait forever!”

 

…to be continued

For Part 2, click here: PART 2